i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
