Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
