I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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