It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
