I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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