Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
