Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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