It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
