If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
