a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize