i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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