I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
