Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
