i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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