Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
