So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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