Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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