Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
