This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
