i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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