I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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