Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize