A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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