dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I am naked and annoyed.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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