Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
