My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
