my vag is so smooth its legendary
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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