i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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