none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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