so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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