Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
