I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
