I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Soap is not a condiment
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
