btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
