If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
