at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
