Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
