She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize