i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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