what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
