He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
