I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
