He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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