then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
did i walk over a car last night?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
