Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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