I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
