guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
