You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
