Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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