i need an iv and a liver transplant
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
