The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
