I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
