I am puke
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
is wine microwaveable?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
