whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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