i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
