Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
