We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
