dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think your dad took our porno
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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