it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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