You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
