please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
