Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
