Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
