Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
