Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
