Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
