That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
