Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
