How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
