I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
