Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
