My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
