tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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