Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
