Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
