I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
