I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
