Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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