He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
