so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
