I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
