i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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