Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
