Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
