he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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