I want to have your abortion
Sacagawea was the original milf.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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