I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
