we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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