my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
