I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
