just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
