Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
