I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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