Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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