Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
