THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
