I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
