Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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