Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I didn't notice because vodka
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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