he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
